Irony
by countrygirluk56
Summary: How Sam reacts to Callen's phone message


A/N: Just a short one-off about what Sam thought of Callen's message about going lone-wolf. Hope you think it rings true.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS LA unfortunately. It is the property of CBS, Shane Brennan and R Scott Gimmell. Thanks for creating it and allowing us to have fun with it in our stories.

Callen and Sam were seated on the steps of two separate ambulances each being examined by an EMT following the explosion of the tour bus that had killed Tahir Khaled. At the same time, Nell was approached by an LAPD Officer who advised her that the van carrying Michelle's body had been located and they were escorting it back to the Coroner's Office. When Callen was released by the EMT, Nell went to tell him the news. Callen thanked Nell and looked over at Sam, who was still being assessed by the EMT, and noticed how tired and lost he looked.

Callen shook his head slowly. He still could not believe that the events of the last two days had actually happened; that Michelle was gone. The pain in his body from the bullet that had luckily hit his vest and the cuts and bruises received in the explosion, as well as the ache in his heart, were testament to the fact that it had indeed happened. He felt his eyes sting with tears for the loss of a woman who had taken him into her heart and home, who had loved and cared for him unconditionally, for the two kids left without a mother but mostly for his partner, his best friend, who had lost the love of his life.

Callen knew the need to find Michelle and then, when they were too late to save her, the need for vengeance had fuelled Sam. Callen worried what Sam would do now, when reality finally set in. Yes, he had Aiden and Kamran to care for and help through the next few days and weeks but what then? When they were back at school, what would Sam do then, when he was all alone? Whatever it was, and whatever it took, Callen vowed he would honour Michelle's last wish and take care of Sam as best he could.

Callen wiped away the unshed tears and walked over to where Sam was sitting. Sam did not look up as Callen approached nor respond to him when he spoke.

"Sam, did you hear me?" said Callen, gently putting his hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam looked up into the face of his partner and the look frightened Callen. It was as if Sam did not know where he was and did not recognise Callen.

"Sam?" asked Callen worried.

Finally Sam responded "What am I going to do, G?" he asked plaintively. "She's gone!"

Callen squeezed Sam's shoulder in sympathy and support and said quietly "I don't know, Sam. What I do know is that you've got two wonderful kids who have lost their mother and they need their dad to be strong for them. I know it hurts and you feel like giving up but you need to carry on, man; for the sake of Aiden and Kam, but most of all for Michelle. If you give up the bastards win. You don't want that."

Sam looked at Callen, his brown eyes full of tears and sorrow. "I know, G, but it's hard. She was my rock" said Sam breaking down.

Finding no words of comfort, all Callen could do was put his arm around his friend and wait for the grief to subside. When it did and Sam wiped his eyes, Callen gave him the news.

"C'mon, I'll drive you to the Coroner's office to see Michelle" said Callen.

Sam got up and followed Callen to the car. They travelled to the Coroner's office in silence, each alone with their thoughts.

Inside Callen accompanied Sam to where Michelle's body was lying but kept a respectful distance while Sam paid his respects to his wife. They stood in silence and Sam took the wedding ring that Tahir Khaled had taken from Michelle and placed it back on her finger. Callen choked back his emotions.

Sam bent down and kissed Michelle on the forehead. As he took a step back, Sam broke down again and Callen shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot unsure as to whether to step forward and offer Sam what little comfort he could. Before Callen could make a decision, Sam wiped his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm gonna be gone a while, G. I've got to spend time with my kids" announced Sam.

"I know, buddy. If there's anything I can do, you just have to ask. I'm here for you. The whole team are" said Callen, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Yeah, I know. I appreciate it but we've got to do this one our own, y'know?" answered Sam, turning to face his friend.

Callen nodded not trusting his voice. Sam took a couple of steps so that he was in front of Callen and he reached out to embrace him. The hug was fierce and Callen returned it, trying to convey both his sorrow and support at the same time. Callen broke away first.

"C'mon, big guy, let's get you to your kids" slowly walking from the room after taking one last look at Michelle. Sam turned to look at the prone body of his wife and although reluctant to leave her, finally followed Callen to the car.

They drove in silence each alone with their thoughts. Finally Sam broke the silence.

"I got your message" he said in a quiet voice, not looking at Callen, but staring out the side window failing to register anything that he saw as they drove. "The one when you said that you recognised the irony of asking me to drop the lone wolf crap."

Sam gave a little snort of a laugh and turned to face Callen, who gave his friend a quick look and smile before turning his attention back to the road ahead.

"It used to annoy the hell out of me when you played the lone wolf card, y'know. I wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into that thick skull of yours. I couldn't see why you had to do everything on your own, to keep secrets. Not when you had a team, a family, who were willing to help you. We'd always have your back even if we didn't fully agree with you. I trust you with my life and I know Kensi and Deeks feel the same. We never understood why you never trusted us."

Callen made to speak but Sam cut him off.

"Until now! Now I understand totally. I was blinded by such rage for vengeance that rational and logical thinking went out the window. I was willing to sacrifice my career, and my life if necessary, which is why I went alone. I couldn't bear the idea of you or any of the others losing their job, or worse, because of my actions, even though you'd already said you were willing to do anything to get Michelle's murderers. That's why I gave you the slip and left you my badge. I was gonna hurt them. I was gonna kill them and to hell with the consequences. Hell, I even laid out Sabatino so that he wouldn't be involved. I was the only one who was expendable."

Sam made a noise which could have been a laugh had it contained a hint of humour. He continued.

"I was thinking clearly when it came to the execution of my plan. After all, I'm a Federal Agent, a SEAL and trained killer. I dodged you all at every turn, determined to do this on my own. I barely heard Kensi and Deeks speak to me and just got into the car to drive away. However, when you stood in the path of the SUV, stopping me from leaving and refused to move, I was more p*ssed than I'd ever been. When you didn't retaliate after I grabbed you, I was at my wits end, afraid that you'd ruin everything. I couldn't hear you all pleading with me to let you help. I dismissed the idea that you got a lead and could find Tahir. It wasn't until Nell begged me to listen to you, that I did and finally heard what you were saying."

Callen remained silent. He knew Sam needed to get this off his chest and he did not want to break the spell. After a short pause, Sam continued.

"Thanks, G, for being there for me; for making me see sense. In my grief I couldn't see it. I'm glad I've got you at my six" said Sam.

"Sam, I'll always have your back" said Callen vehemently. He continued in a softer tone. "Look, I've learned a valuable lesson today too. I got a taste of how you guys must feel when I go lone wolf; the anger and frustration. I can't promise I'll never go lone wolf again any more than you can but we can try. I told you I recognised the irony of telling you to cut out the lone wolf crap!" said Callen smiling.

Despite the pain in his heart, Sam had to smile as well.


End file.
